This weekend was simultaneously fantastic and slightly embarrassing. Y’all don’t even know how ladylike I am. Please allow me to explain.
We went to the Oddball Comedy Festival in Camden, NJ, and it was freaking awesome. We saw Louis C.K., Sarah Silverman, and a bunch of other comedians that were really good.
We got there at the start time on the tickets, but we still had a couple hours till the actual show started, so we got some crab fries and watched the host do a pre-show.
If you come to Maryland / the East Coast area and get nothing else, you have to get some Chickie and Pete’s crab fries. They are the crack of all french fries. And if you are an omnivore / cheese eater like my husband, you can also dip them in crazy delicious cheese sauce.
Then I got a little daring and thought, “I’m gonna have a beer, too, why not? It’s Saturday night, let’s get a little wild.”
But the real trouble started when, after ordering my Redd’s Apple Ale, the bartender asked me if I wanted “the big one.” Yes, of course I do. Are you questioning my beverage capacities?
Did I mention I hardly ever drink? So I’m kind of a lightweight, but I don’t want to believe I’m a lightweight.
So, naturally, after my mega size ale, I was having a GREAT time.
The magic was flowing, so I decided to have another.
By that time, the show was halfway through and it was dark outside. After drinking the second one like it was Dr. Pepper, Greg asked me if I wanted one more. Hello, dumb question! Drunk Jess always wants one more.
After the third one (I told you I’m a lightweight), things still seemed up, but, little to my limited knowledge, were quickly rolling downhill. I decided laying on the grass seemed much more comfortable (we were on the lawn, no seats).
Louis C.K. came on as the headlining and final act, and I could no longer watch the screen without seeing double of him. So I tried one eyeball, but quickly gave up on that, and decided to enjoy his act while resting my eyes.
After Louis finished, the show ended, so everyone around us got up and started walking toward the exit. Greg stood up, offering me a hand, as I sat up and stared ponderously around us. As I sat there, I realized that there was no way I could coordinate walking and I suddenly also realized I didn’t feel quite right.
And that’s when I puked on the Susquehanna Bank Center lawn.
I felt so bad. I was also worried that everyone was watching, but a lot of people were already moving away from us. At least I was wearing pants. And I felt much better.
Greg took us to the car and drove me home, where I proceeded to shower and curl up in bed.
So, anyway, yes, I was THAT girl at the festival. But I survived, and to be honest, I had a fantastic time.
Have you ever done anything embarrassing while drinking?
6 thoughts on “Why I’m THAT Girl at the Festival”
Oh girl. This is the funniest (now) thing ever. I'm sure in the moment it didn't seem so funny. I swear it's like you were describing me at pretty much any outdoor concert. I always think I can handle drinking and then I'm very quickly reminded “nope. Nope, you can't.” haha!
hahahaha you are so cute. i have been there but 100000 times worse, believe me. once – just once of many millions – i puked in a gay club right as the drag show thingy was about to start and we were sitting at tables and i just turned and puked and there was someone less than a feet away. i would have been so pissed if someone did that to me, i'm mortified now but it was several years ago so whatever.
also what are crab fries please?
I have one particularly good drinking story that ends with me crying and puking into the bushes outside the bar in a college town. Fortunately it was a college town, so this was common place enough that some guys thought nothing of trying to chat my friend up while she was trying to figure out what to do with the disaster that was me. I would say “good times” but my memory of it is actually pretty fuzzy…
Oh my gosh! That's pretty funny now but I'm sure it was awful at the time. I feel so bad about how bad you must have been feeling. Alcohol-induced puking is the worsttttt.
Lol! This is so funny!
I am also in denial about being a lightweight, so I wouldn't be surprised if the same happened to me this weekend at Trillectro!
Hahaha, yes I feel you. I have been there but 1000x worse! There a few elevators in Seattle that I have history with and I can't wear my all time favorite beanie anymore without my friends snickering at me. Ugh, so embarrassing but almost everyone has a story like it so it's ok. d^_^b