Would You Rather

I love this game, and via one of my favorite websites ever, Buzzfeed, I found ‘The Most Difficult ‘Would You Rather’ Questions of All Time,’ which I have decided to tackle.

1. Would you rather live one 1,000-year life or live ten 100-year lives?
Ten 100-year lives. I would get really bored in a 1,000-year life. If I have ten different lives, in one of them I might be a freakishly-long living wild goat, which would be cool.

2. Would you rather have hiccups for the rest of your life or feel like you need to sneeze and not be able to the rest of your life?
Sneezing – I hate hiccups. Really hate hiccups.

3. Would you rather have the ability to read minds, but be illiterate, or have just the ability to read?
Ability to read. Give up reading for the terrible super power of reading minds??? I don’t want to know what anyone is thinking, and I’ve always been terrified people might know what I’m thinking. When I was a kid, I used to think to myself, “Touch your ear if you can hear what I’m thinking.” Luckily, it never worked.

4. Would you rather watch your parents have sex every day for a year (I’m sorry) or join in once to make it stop (I’m sorry)?

No. No. No. The second option would probably scar me for the rest of my life, so I’d pick the first.

5. Would you rather eat chocolate-flavored poop or poop-flavored chocolate?
Poop-flavored chocolate. I could eat it really fast and have some Dr. Pepper handy. Doesn’t matter if the poop tasted like chocolate. I would KNOW.

6. You’re on a desert island with a beautiful woman or man. Would you rather they are top-half fish or they are bottom-half fish.
I’ve had a lengthy discussion about this with Greg before, and we both agreed, bottom-half fish. Top-half fish is useless; you’ve got to keep them half in water, you can’t talk, and the up-keep would be too much.

7. Would you rather fart popcorn or have your past and future web browsing history available to everyone?

Fart popcorn. My parents would see that shit; nope, my web history is private!! I would not eat the popcorn, though.

8. Would you rather go to Hogwarts and still be a muggle or live in a world with Pokemon, but only be able to catch Magikarps?

I don’t know what a Magikarp is, so I’m going to choose Hogwarts. Because Hogwarts would still be AMAZING, and I could drink Butterbeer and hang out with Hagrid all day.

9. Would you rather have a vagina on your forehead or have a row of penises down your back like a stegosaurus?

 Bahahahaahaha! I choose the penises on my back like a stegosaurus. Because at least I can disguise those and say I’m a hunchback and scare people, screaming “GET OUT OF MY BELL TOWER!” A vagina on my forehead would be more difficult to hide.

10. Would you rather have a bell go off every single time you were aroused or feel a sharp pain in your side every single time someone said your name?

Have a bell go off; that would be funny, and no more guessing about if you’re in the mood hahah. Like a sexy toaster oven.

11. Would you rather have accordions for legs or have a huge belly button 10 inches long that swayed to the beat of popular music?

I already find belly buttons creepy, so I’d pick accordions for legs. I would probably become a professional accordion player and play at weddings.

12. Would you rather have sex with a goat, and no one knows that you did it or NOT have sex with a goat, but everyone THINKS you did it?

Not have sex with a goat. My choice will always be not have sex with a goat, heck with people and their goat-sex slander.

13. Would you rather live in a world where huge, friendly gummy bears walk around or live in a world where hover boards exist?

Hover boards. I’m finding the idea of huge, walking gummy bears a little frightening. Can we still eat them? Do they get pissed and turn us into one of them if we do?

14. Would you rather live the rest of your life with Cheeto dust on your fingers or have taste buds in your butt?

This is easy – Cheeto fingers. They’re delicious, and taste buds in your butt is the world’s worst genetic mutation.

15. And now, the hardest would you rather question you will ever be asked: Would you rather have a side soup or a side salad?

Side salad. I love salad, and soup is weird; half beverage / half food. Unless it’s mega hearty soup, I don’t get it.

Do you agree with these? Disagree? Are you okay with giant, delicious gummy bears roaming the earth?